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Melodies of life:
Chapter 1: the first decision.
Two years ago.
Getting up at 5 am, a quick coffee then a run until 7:30 am, even longer at times if I was feeling the need or the energy. That is something that had been beaten up in my head from my years with the marines.
My name is Will Lawrence; it’s a name the sisters of the orphanage I grew up in had picked up for me. And, even if I didn’t care about it, I had kept it as my only possession for years until I joined the marines. Now I also owned a property in the middle of the mountains and lived alone with the wild life and at times some hikers passing by. Since my reputation, because of an asshole at an old job, I didn’t really have been contacted for any work in a while. But since I don’t need much to live I was okay with my savings and fending for myself.
When I arrive back at my cabin I look up at the sky and see it should be fairly sunny, with a small breeze, perfect to do some work on the roof before winter.
So I prepare myself a quick breakfast, change, grab a beer and get climbing with my tools to see what damages the time did on it.
I start working, and have to take off my t-shirt after a few due to the heat. I put it on my belt behind me to not lose it and that’s when I realize something is different. The wildlife around here generally only reacts to me if I am going around with my Chopper, other than that they really don’t pay attention to me. But right now they are completely silent; someone is coming up the trail toward my place. Five minutes later I hear the rumbling of an engine that is REALLY not adapted for my trail, not hikers for sure.
Even a Sunday hobbyist hiker has more brain than using one of those fancy cars to get on my road.
That’s the moment I hope they are just searching for a place to turn around because of a wrong turn. They arrive in front of my place, while I just stay on the roof. But instead of maneuvering and going back down the path they just stop the engine and get out. The guy driving is a big brown horse with white dots here and there, crammed tight into a dark suit with tie, his darker mane cut perfectly around his head like his tail. From the other door a lady coyote, or wolf, covered in jewelry in a sharp suit that fits her curves and accents her light grey fur. If that wasn’t enough, her stilettos were a definite last proof that they weren’t hikers. I am observing them from my position and hoping they will just be leaving. But I see they are looking around…those damn sticks in the mud are looking for me it seems. I take a deep breath, “I am not interested in buying anything or joining any church or cult group. So feel free to leave and don’t worry about saying good bye.”
She jumps and let out a sort of squeak while he catches her so she doesn’t fall. Once she is steadier he clears his voice, “I told you those heels weren’t adapted.”
I can’t help but smirk and say “None of your outfits are any kind of adapted for here sunshine.”
I know they are trying to find out where I am even before I hear her, “We would like to talk with Mister Will Lawrence, if that would be possible.”
I show up from the corner of my roof, “Sorry it’s not possible…he left for an indefinite time. Something about visiting the Himalayas I think.”
She looks at my sweaty chest and mane, which I keep in control thanks to a headband right now, and I can see she likes what she sees. Like I care anyway. That’s when he gives me a big bright smile that tells me right away I will have to resist the urge to punch him. “A dark deep brown fur, several scars on the hips due to shrapnel and his whole body, darker mane with piercing golden eyes. I bet if you show us your back we will see more of the scars from that explosion that nearly got you killed.”
I jump down from my position on the roof glaring at him, “Okay fine it’s me…but I am still not interested.”
I start walking toward my cabin to slam the door at their face and she says “It’s for a JOB OFFER.”
I turn around and quirk an eyebrow at them before I tell then, “You do know I don’t play tour-guide or offer a bed and breakfast right?”
He goes to open a briefcase and pulls out a file, “We know that, we know also your past training and that you were working as a bodyguard.”
“Past tense is right pony.” I tell him. I then cross my arms and ad, “I am fed up of risking my neck for people that will just treat me like trash the moment it’s done or if their reputation depends on it.”
I then point at their car to then finish with, “So you better get back in your car, pray that it doesn’t break down, and leave because I also have a very bad temper and reputation to always say what I think.”
She starts taking off her jacket, so I expect her to try to charm me, but then she goes to grab a duffle bag from the car, “We know the last part, a certain asshole rhinoceros that made me want to shower for the next month after seeing him, told us that. And that’s WHY you are perfect for it.” She then stares at me, “Now if you excuse me I would like to use your bathroom to change into something more me.”
I am tempted to snarl at her but managed to stop it, “Sorry sweet cheeks but I don’t have a powder room here.”
She pulls out a pair of very tight jeans from the duffle bag, kicks off her stilettos, to then throw the duffle bag into my chest. She then gives me a glare, “My name is Kathryn Slade and I don’t need a powder room. I am in that outfit only because Mister here dragged me after a work appointment with some stuck up people.” She starts putting on the jeans, managing to slide them under her skirt before taking it off to close her pants.
She then snatch her bag from my hand and I see the horse is trying very hard to not look before, “You really never manage to keep your behavior for long like a proper lady do you?” he then comes closer to me to offer me his hand to shake, “My name is Jarold Johnson, most people call me JJ. And like she said we heard about your reputation and that’s why you would be perfect to keep her brother safe.”
I look at him in the eyes, ignoring his hand, “What makes you think that telling me that will make me change my mind?”
She gets into my face with only her bra on as she was in the process of changing shirt too, making me realize that now she is wearing cowboy boots instead of heels. She stabs me with a finger with an accusing look, “Listen you big freak, before you start sending people off you can at least offer them a beer or just listen to them? I had a fucking day and I came here not to see your charming behavior with us but for my BROTHER.”
As an old reaction, that was created by all the wars and trouble I had seen, I grab her harm and send her flying into the horse before I do a back flip and set myself into a fight position. I am panting when I look at them and try my best to keep control of my breathing when I say to myself “I am not there anymore…I am not there anymore…”
She is on top of the horse, he ended up landing in the mud, she looks toward me, “Okay…I guess that was a very bad idea from me to do that. I had been warned that you were extremely edgy.”
I clench my fist and try to relax before I look at them “Okay…I guess I at least owe you a beer and…I probably can offer a set of not muddy clothes for the JJ…” She is about to say something before I stop her, “YES I will at least listen to what you want to tell me…just not promising about my answer.”
As we get inside I tell them to help themselves in the fridge for a beer or something else and go get some pants and a t-shirt for the horse. I come back and drop them in his hand, “Bathroom is behind me…if you want to shower go ahead. And that’s the SMALLEST I have…you will have to deal.”
He thanks me the goes to change when I look back at Kathryn, realizing that now she has a hipster t-shirt on of some music group. She drinks her beer from the bottle looking at me, “I warn you right now I want a real discussion. I am married with two pups and I don’t love my brother to that point.”
I use my shirt to dry my forehead a little, then go to get a beer for myself when I answer, “Good thing because I am NOT interested anyway. So stop staring at me like a slab of meat and tell me why you keep saying I would be perfect ‘passed my charming behavior’ as you called it.”
She gives me a smile, “As I said also I am Kathryn Slade and I need you to be the bodyguard of my brother…”
Before she finishes, I say the rest about him to gain time, “Stuart Slade, rock-star on the rise and singer of the Hellhounds. Said to be the ‘unholy son of an angel and a demon’ due to the impossible notes he reaches.”
She looks surprised at me, “Are you a fan?”
I chuckle while swallowing my beer while shaking my head, “Nope sorry missy, I just read the journals. They make good fire starters with their crap written on it.”
She smiles at that comment, puts her leg on top of the other, “Exactly. The problem is that my brother lets me do the brown nosing while he does nothing to really be nice with certain group of people. So far we ‘only’ got 3 politic groups and a supposedly religious group that would love to see his balls roasting on a frying pan.”
I lean against the kitchen counter wondering about the situation, “So what you expecting me to give him behavior training with people? Or antagonize them even more?”
She points a finger toward me, “NO THANKS, he already causes me enough problems.” She puts her bottle on the table, “We had 3 sure, and maybe 4 others that are still being investigated, attempts against his life and like I said he has quite a temper. So we need someone like you for that…”
I quirk an eyebrow, starting to understand the situation they are trying to get me into, “Basically you want someone with my training and my temper to keep him safe and just tell him to ‘fuck off’ if needed.”
“Fuck YES!” she tells me, I was so not expecting that reaction that I couldn’t help but crack a smile and laugh. “We need someone that won’t take shit from him and won’t hesitate to get into his face if needed. The other jackasses leave them to me to get the brooms out of their asses or add my heels in them.”
I give her a bigger smile in reaction, “I admit that I like your attitude but what tells you that I won’t be adding more shit on you since my attitude? Or, worse for my case, which you won’t do like the freak rhino and drop me into the fire to save your collective asses?”
She readjusts her legs, grabs her bottle again, “Well for starter it’s not our kind, even if you have no proof except my words. Second we can make the contract anyway you want it, you can add any clauses into it to protect you from that possible situation if you want.” I am a bit surprised at that making her react, “Yes I am THAT desperate…he is my only brother and I want him to stay alive…”
I realize that she won’t give up and she really isn’t the kind to take a no for answer especially in this kind of situation. I grab her empty bottle and offer her another one, but she signals me no for it. “From what you are telling me I am betting this is an indefinite time kind of work as those groups will probably never stop hating him for what he represents to them and he doesn’t seem the kind to change temper and suck asses.” So I then try to see if I can just discourage her with a different way than a straight no at her “2 500 a month plus expenses and medical bills. Expenses are just not lodging, food and all the classic stuff but also ammo, bullet proof jacket and any other kind of gadget I would need. And you don’t get to try to discuss my methods to keep him safe, even more during stuff like a concert with so many people. We have one disagreement I quit and still get paid 6 months.” I then smile at her, “I will also need someplace to keep in shape of course.”
I was trying to be asking some outrageous stuff and expanses to discourage her instead of her trying to nag me into saying yes. What I wasn’t expecting is that she gets up, offers me her hand, “Deal.” She must have seen the surprise written on my face from her reaction, “As I said, I am THAT desperate. I don’t want my kids growing without their uncle as we already lost our parents.”
I grab her hand into a handshake chuckling, “I should have asked a lot more it seems.”
She chuckles at that and then explodes laughing when JJ comes out of the bathroom freshly showered with my clothes flopping around him. “I know…” he says then ads “Damn I hope no one will take a picture for the tabloids.”
She then looks at me with an intention, “I saw your Chopper outside, got an extra helmet?”
I look at her wondering, “I might have one, why do you ask?”
She looks at me with a smirk, “Well once you are showered and prepared some clothes or anything you need I am coming with you on your motorcycle so we go work and sign the contracts. You are starting today, JJ here will take care of warning our lawyers.”
“You not just desperate but also afraid I change my mind aren’t you?” she shows me a big smile for only answer before I shrug, “Well okay, but I warn you I don’t do penguin suits.”
She looks at me, then at JJ, up and down, “Well your clothes look better on you that on him for sure. And well that way you will fit right in with our group for sure. Now go shower we have to go soon so we can get your conditions on a contract then introduce you to my brother.”
I smirk, “Sure thing sweet cheeks.” Getting her to give me a playful slap on the shoulder.
While I am showering I can’t help but start feeling the stress. Kathryn seems pretty nice okay but is it not a bad move on my side from agreeing to do that job. What if I get another one of my crisis and start going too far once again…I nearly killed 3 people last time. And earlier I did shove her onto JJ. I could have done worse yes…but still.
I finish my shower, dry myself and decide that I can at least give it a shot. She really wants to keep her brother safe and I can respect that for sure. I prepare a bag with several changes, to then prepare another one with my “work equipment” keeping just the most usual stuff with me and giving the rest to JJ to put in his car. He had saw me prepare several boxes of ammo, a shotgun, several guns and knife and when I started putting the bags in his car “It’s not dangerous is it?”
I look at him, “Don’t shake them too much and you should be okay.” Getting Kathryn to laugh loudly at my comment, before I throw her my extra helmet. Then I check the gun on my holster under my jacket, the knife on my belt before I close my cabin.
I get on the bike and she seats right behind me, “Ready to rock n roll kitty cat.”
I smirk at her, “Hold on to your breeches sweet cheeks.” Before I take the path toward the main road the fastest I have faith to do without breaking my bike.
Hearing her laugh at the situation, even howling at times, I couldn’t help but wonder if maybe everything will be okay after all.
“Will see how the brother is next” was all I could consider.
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Melodies of life:
Chapter 1: the first decision.
Two years ago.
Getting up at 5 am, a quick coffee then a run until 7:30 am, even longer at times if I was feeling the need or the energy. That is something that had been beaten up in my head from my years with the marines.
My name is Will Lawrence; it’s a name the sisters of the orphanage I grew up in had picked up for me. And, even if I didn’t care about it, I had kept it as my only possession for years until I joined the marines. Now I also owned a property in the middle of the mountains and lived alone with the wild life and at times some hikers passing by. Since my reputation, because of an asshole at an old job, I didn’t really have been contacted for any work in a while. But since I don’t need much to live I was okay with my savings and fending for myself.
When I arrive back at my cabin I look up at the sky and see it should be fairly sunny, with a small breeze, perfect to do some work on the roof before winter.
So I prepare myself a quick breakfast, change, grab a beer and get climbing with my tools to see what damages the time did on it.
I start working, and have to take off my t-shirt after a few due to the heat. I put it on my belt behind me to not lose it and that’s when I realize something is different. The wildlife around here generally only reacts to me if I am going around with my Chopper, other than that they really don’t pay attention to me. But right now they are completely silent; someone is coming up the trail toward my place. Five minutes later I hear the rumbling of an engine that is REALLY not adapted for my trail, not hikers for sure.
Even a Sunday hobbyist hiker has more brain than using one of those fancy cars to get on my road.
That’s the moment I hope they are just searching for a place to turn around because of a wrong turn. They arrive in front of my place, while I just stay on the roof. But instead of maneuvering and going back down the path they just stop the engine and get out. The guy driving is a big brown horse with white dots here and there, crammed tight into a dark suit with tie, his darker mane cut perfectly around his head like his tail. From the other door a lady coyote, or wolf, covered in jewelry in a sharp suit that fits her curves and accents her light grey fur. If that wasn’t enough, her stilettos were a definite last proof that they weren’t hikers. I am observing them from my position and hoping they will just be leaving. But I see they are looking around…those damn sticks in the mud are looking for me it seems. I take a deep breath, “I am not interested in buying anything or joining any church or cult group. So feel free to leave and don’t worry about saying good bye.”
She jumps and let out a sort of squeak while he catches her so she doesn’t fall. Once she is steadier he clears his voice, “I told you those heels weren’t adapted.”
I can’t help but smirk and say “None of your outfits are any kind of adapted for here sunshine.”
I know they are trying to find out where I am even before I hear her, “We would like to talk with Mister Will Lawrence, if that would be possible.”
I show up from the corner of my roof, “Sorry it’s not possible…he left for an indefinite time. Something about visiting the Himalayas I think.”
She looks at my sweaty chest and mane, which I keep in control thanks to a headband right now, and I can see she likes what she sees. Like I care anyway. That’s when he gives me a big bright smile that tells me right away I will have to resist the urge to punch him. “A dark deep brown fur, several scars on the hips due to shrapnel and his whole body, darker mane with piercing golden eyes. I bet if you show us your back we will see more of the scars from that explosion that nearly got you killed.”
I jump down from my position on the roof glaring at him, “Okay fine it’s me…but I am still not interested.”
I start walking toward my cabin to slam the door at their face and she says “It’s for a JOB OFFER.”
I turn around and quirk an eyebrow at them before I tell then, “You do know I don’t play tour-guide or offer a bed and breakfast right?”
He goes to open a briefcase and pulls out a file, “We know that, we know also your past training and that you were working as a bodyguard.”
“Past tense is right pony.” I tell him. I then cross my arms and ad, “I am fed up of risking my neck for people that will just treat me like trash the moment it’s done or if their reputation depends on it.”
I then point at their car to then finish with, “So you better get back in your car, pray that it doesn’t break down, and leave because I also have a very bad temper and reputation to always say what I think.”
She starts taking off her jacket, so I expect her to try to charm me, but then she goes to grab a duffle bag from the car, “We know the last part, a certain asshole rhinoceros that made me want to shower for the next month after seeing him, told us that. And that’s WHY you are perfect for it.” She then stares at me, “Now if you excuse me I would like to use your bathroom to change into something more me.”
I am tempted to snarl at her but managed to stop it, “Sorry sweet cheeks but I don’t have a powder room here.”
She pulls out a pair of very tight jeans from the duffle bag, kicks off her stilettos, to then throw the duffle bag into my chest. She then gives me a glare, “My name is Kathryn Slade and I don’t need a powder room. I am in that outfit only because Mister here dragged me after a work appointment with some stuck up people.” She starts putting on the jeans, managing to slide them under her skirt before taking it off to close her pants.
She then snatch her bag from my hand and I see the horse is trying very hard to not look before, “You really never manage to keep your behavior for long like a proper lady do you?” he then comes closer to me to offer me his hand to shake, “My name is Jarold Johnson, most people call me JJ. And like she said we heard about your reputation and that’s why you would be perfect to keep her brother safe.”
I look at him in the eyes, ignoring his hand, “What makes you think that telling me that will make me change my mind?”
She gets into my face with only her bra on as she was in the process of changing shirt too, making me realize that now she is wearing cowboy boots instead of heels. She stabs me with a finger with an accusing look, “Listen you big freak, before you start sending people off you can at least offer them a beer or just listen to them? I had a fucking day and I came here not to see your charming behavior with us but for my BROTHER.”
As an old reaction, that was created by all the wars and trouble I had seen, I grab her harm and send her flying into the horse before I do a back flip and set myself into a fight position. I am panting when I look at them and try my best to keep control of my breathing when I say to myself “I am not there anymore…I am not there anymore…”
She is on top of the horse, he ended up landing in the mud, she looks toward me, “Okay…I guess that was a very bad idea from me to do that. I had been warned that you were extremely edgy.”
I clench my fist and try to relax before I look at them “Okay…I guess I at least owe you a beer and…I probably can offer a set of not muddy clothes for the JJ…” She is about to say something before I stop her, “YES I will at least listen to what you want to tell me…just not promising about my answer.”
As we get inside I tell them to help themselves in the fridge for a beer or something else and go get some pants and a t-shirt for the horse. I come back and drop them in his hand, “Bathroom is behind me…if you want to shower go ahead. And that’s the SMALLEST I have…you will have to deal.”
He thanks me the goes to change when I look back at Kathryn, realizing that now she has a hipster t-shirt on of some music group. She drinks her beer from the bottle looking at me, “I warn you right now I want a real discussion. I am married with two pups and I don’t love my brother to that point.”
I use my shirt to dry my forehead a little, then go to get a beer for myself when I answer, “Good thing because I am NOT interested anyway. So stop staring at me like a slab of meat and tell me why you keep saying I would be perfect ‘passed my charming behavior’ as you called it.”
She gives me a smile, “As I said also I am Kathryn Slade and I need you to be the bodyguard of my brother…”
Before she finishes, I say the rest about him to gain time, “Stuart Slade, rock-star on the rise and singer of the Hellhounds. Said to be the ‘unholy son of an angel and a demon’ due to the impossible notes he reaches.”
She looks surprised at me, “Are you a fan?”
I chuckle while swallowing my beer while shaking my head, “Nope sorry missy, I just read the journals. They make good fire starters with their crap written on it.”
She smiles at that comment, puts her leg on top of the other, “Exactly. The problem is that my brother lets me do the brown nosing while he does nothing to really be nice with certain group of people. So far we ‘only’ got 3 politic groups and a supposedly religious group that would love to see his balls roasting on a frying pan.”
I lean against the kitchen counter wondering about the situation, “So what you expecting me to give him behavior training with people? Or antagonize them even more?”
She points a finger toward me, “NO THANKS, he already causes me enough problems.” She puts her bottle on the table, “We had 3 sure, and maybe 4 others that are still being investigated, attempts against his life and like I said he has quite a temper. So we need someone like you for that…”
I quirk an eyebrow, starting to understand the situation they are trying to get me into, “Basically you want someone with my training and my temper to keep him safe and just tell him to ‘fuck off’ if needed.”
“Fuck YES!” she tells me, I was so not expecting that reaction that I couldn’t help but crack a smile and laugh. “We need someone that won’t take shit from him and won’t hesitate to get into his face if needed. The other jackasses leave them to me to get the brooms out of their asses or add my heels in them.”
I give her a bigger smile in reaction, “I admit that I like your attitude but what tells you that I won’t be adding more shit on you since my attitude? Or, worse for my case, which you won’t do like the freak rhino and drop me into the fire to save your collective asses?”
She readjusts her legs, grabs her bottle again, “Well for starter it’s not our kind, even if you have no proof except my words. Second we can make the contract anyway you want it, you can add any clauses into it to protect you from that possible situation if you want.” I am a bit surprised at that making her react, “Yes I am THAT desperate…he is my only brother and I want him to stay alive…”
I realize that she won’t give up and she really isn’t the kind to take a no for answer especially in this kind of situation. I grab her empty bottle and offer her another one, but she signals me no for it. “From what you are telling me I am betting this is an indefinite time kind of work as those groups will probably never stop hating him for what he represents to them and he doesn’t seem the kind to change temper and suck asses.” So I then try to see if I can just discourage her with a different way than a straight no at her “2 500 a month plus expenses and medical bills. Expenses are just not lodging, food and all the classic stuff but also ammo, bullet proof jacket and any other kind of gadget I would need. And you don’t get to try to discuss my methods to keep him safe, even more during stuff like a concert with so many people. We have one disagreement I quit and still get paid 6 months.” I then smile at her, “I will also need someplace to keep in shape of course.”
I was trying to be asking some outrageous stuff and expanses to discourage her instead of her trying to nag me into saying yes. What I wasn’t expecting is that she gets up, offers me her hand, “Deal.” She must have seen the surprise written on my face from her reaction, “As I said, I am THAT desperate. I don’t want my kids growing without their uncle as we already lost our parents.”
I grab her hand into a handshake chuckling, “I should have asked a lot more it seems.”
She chuckles at that and then explodes laughing when JJ comes out of the bathroom freshly showered with my clothes flopping around him. “I know…” he says then ads “Damn I hope no one will take a picture for the tabloids.”
She then looks at me with an intention, “I saw your Chopper outside, got an extra helmet?”
I look at her wondering, “I might have one, why do you ask?”
She looks at me with a smirk, “Well once you are showered and prepared some clothes or anything you need I am coming with you on your motorcycle so we go work and sign the contracts. You are starting today, JJ here will take care of warning our lawyers.”
“You not just desperate but also afraid I change my mind aren’t you?” she shows me a big smile for only answer before I shrug, “Well okay, but I warn you I don’t do penguin suits.”
She looks at me, then at JJ, up and down, “Well your clothes look better on you that on him for sure. And well that way you will fit right in with our group for sure. Now go shower we have to go soon so we can get your conditions on a contract then introduce you to my brother.”
I smirk, “Sure thing sweet cheeks.” Getting her to give me a playful slap on the shoulder.
While I am showering I can’t help but start feeling the stress. Kathryn seems pretty nice okay but is it not a bad move on my side from agreeing to do that job. What if I get another one of my crisis and start going too far once again…I nearly killed 3 people last time. And earlier I did shove her onto JJ. I could have done worse yes…but still.
I finish my shower, dry myself and decide that I can at least give it a shot. She really wants to keep her brother safe and I can respect that for sure. I prepare a bag with several changes, to then prepare another one with my “work equipment” keeping just the most usual stuff with me and giving the rest to JJ to put in his car. He had saw me prepare several boxes of ammo, a shotgun, several guns and knife and when I started putting the bags in his car “It’s not dangerous is it?”
I look at him, “Don’t shake them too much and you should be okay.” Getting Kathryn to laugh loudly at my comment, before I throw her my extra helmet. Then I check the gun on my holster under my jacket, the knife on my belt before I close my cabin.
I get on the bike and she seats right behind me, “Ready to rock n roll kitty cat.”
I smirk at her, “Hold on to your breeches sweet cheeks.” Before I take the path toward the main road the fastest I have faith to do without breaking my bike.
Hearing her laugh at the situation, even howling at times, I couldn’t help but wonder if maybe everything will be okay after all.
“Will see how the brother is next” was all I could consider.
Melodies of Life ch 1
this is the first chapter of one of the 3 books I have been working on lately.
it's a completely different setting than my usual novels because I wanted to give myself a challenge alongside working on 2 novels at once...until the third one added of course.
of course, you can read a lot more on my Patreon
https://www.patreon.com/karmakat
any help is welcome, even just comments could help if they are real ones. hehe.
Story by Karmakat
it's a completely different setting than my usual novels because I wanted to give myself a challenge alongside working on 2 novels at once...until the third one added of course.
of course, you can read a lot more on my Patreon
https://www.patreon.com/karmakat
any help is welcome, even just comments could help if they are real ones. hehe.
Story by Karmakat
Category Story / All
Species Lion
Gender Multiple characters
Size 89 x 120px
File Size 15.2 kB
Listed in Folders
As always good and fun ideas that touch on the spirit of character the leads the work.
Your next hurtle is developing from writer to WRITER and learning advanced writing mechanics to really shape the work to be stronger.
So the rhetorical triangle:
You versus the medium (story) versus the audience.
Ethics versus emotional soundness versus logic
These elements keep a work in balance and as you write and grow as a writer you need to develop a sense of these things and their relationship so a work can be stronger. So as you write ask questions like how does this impact the work, how does an audience perceive this, how does this sentence connect to a work, does this make sense, etc?
Every word and sentence must serve purpose to the large work as a whole in its connections piece by piece.
So beginnings are important they serve to drawn an audience into a work:
Two years ago (We are starting with temporal displacement, this can easily confuse audience, why is this not a prologue?, You could just start here and then transition to two years when the work changes.).
Getting up at 5 am, a quick coffee then a run until 7:30 am, even longer at times if I was feeling the need or the energy (A random, and boring thought but it connects us to character, this actual can work, break it down though and turn them into working sentences giving us Lawrence’s jolting mornings to connect with marines. ). That is something that had been beaten up in my head from my years with the marines.
My name is Will Lawrence it (it is better to introduce character’s name naturally through a work if done this way creates issues in narrative shifting an expected audience which does not exist within the tale world);
(We transition from some told backstory to cabin through a poor transition)
You kind of character blurb the character details, break this down and spread it throughout the text so characters can now and be reminded of the characters throughout the work.
Rest of the story is fine except for two things which are common throughout your other stories:
1. You use present tense instead of past tense. Weirdly enough the audience reads past tense as being more correct then present when reading fiction. This will help your flow immensely. EX: Presented Chuckles Past: Chuckled
2. You fall into bad repetitive sentences through your first person. A lot of I blank and they, he, she, blank. Do a comb and break these up after writing them and think of new ways to approach sentences through your first person narrator.
Per usual though great use of anthropomorphism that keeps these characters very fresh and alive.
Best of luck with the rest
Your next hurtle is developing from writer to WRITER and learning advanced writing mechanics to really shape the work to be stronger.
So the rhetorical triangle:
You versus the medium (story) versus the audience.
Ethics versus emotional soundness versus logic
These elements keep a work in balance and as you write and grow as a writer you need to develop a sense of these things and their relationship so a work can be stronger. So as you write ask questions like how does this impact the work, how does an audience perceive this, how does this sentence connect to a work, does this make sense, etc?
Every word and sentence must serve purpose to the large work as a whole in its connections piece by piece.
So beginnings are important they serve to drawn an audience into a work:
Two years ago (We are starting with temporal displacement, this can easily confuse audience, why is this not a prologue?, You could just start here and then transition to two years when the work changes.).
Getting up at 5 am, a quick coffee then a run until 7:30 am, even longer at times if I was feeling the need or the energy (A random, and boring thought but it connects us to character, this actual can work, break it down though and turn them into working sentences giving us Lawrence’s jolting mornings to connect with marines. ). That is something that had been beaten up in my head from my years with the marines.
My name is Will Lawrence it (it is better to introduce character’s name naturally through a work if done this way creates issues in narrative shifting an expected audience which does not exist within the tale world);
(We transition from some told backstory to cabin through a poor transition)
You kind of character blurb the character details, break this down and spread it throughout the text so characters can now and be reminded of the characters throughout the work.
Rest of the story is fine except for two things which are common throughout your other stories:
1. You use present tense instead of past tense. Weirdly enough the audience reads past tense as being more correct then present when reading fiction. This will help your flow immensely. EX: Presented Chuckles Past: Chuckled
2. You fall into bad repetitive sentences through your first person. A lot of I blank and they, he, she, blank. Do a comb and break these up after writing them and think of new ways to approach sentences through your first person narrator.
Per usual though great use of anthropomorphism that keeps these characters very fresh and alive.
Best of luck with the rest
thanks for the advice, I will do my best.
on this novel, I am working on ch 20 lately. same for "So Close Yet So Far III" that is on chapter 20 too while "Love N' Spices" is on Chapter 11 so far.
I still try to do my best and appreciate comments. hehe
REALLY thanks a lot to take time to write a comment back.
on this novel, I am working on ch 20 lately. same for "So Close Yet So Far III" that is on chapter 20 too while "Love N' Spices" is on Chapter 11 so far.
I still try to do my best and appreciate comments. hehe
REALLY thanks a lot to take time to write a comment back.
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